Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize