So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
