why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
