its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
