Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
