I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you bring me the toilet please
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
