i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
