I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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