I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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