I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
