god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.