So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
