that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
