VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
