I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
