Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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