I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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