She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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