they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
