how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
