In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
