i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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