I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize