you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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