is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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