i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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