Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
