I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
