Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
