After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
