I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
