At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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