She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
