please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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