i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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