Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
