Screwed.edu
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
