what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
