Your dad touched me again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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