I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
