u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
