I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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