I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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