Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my shit smells like andre
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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