so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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