I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
