Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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