My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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