imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
