True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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