I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
