2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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