I want to walk on stilts...naked
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
