Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
