he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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