Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
