my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
