Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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