she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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