I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
