I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
