So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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