I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
