Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize