turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
