You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
