I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
