I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
