I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
