OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
