do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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