he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
