I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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