That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
