Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
