A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
