If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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