If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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