Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
