You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
