You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
