Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
